Hi. I'm Endymion. And I can say that I really don't mind that you all know my name. Most of you probably don't know me, but now I guess I'm free to show you who I am.

Yes, my name is Hailey. (Just Hailey. Don't call me Hay because that just sounds stupid.) I'm an artist. I create pictures too, not just word-thoughts.

Now I can show you.

Hold my hand. Show me that you're real.

(because you seem so transparent.)

Please don't be a figment of my anxiety and show me who you are.

Hold my hand again. Touch my face again. Kiss me again. Hug me and hold me and be with me and

Show me that you are real.

Talk to me, Mister Mistake. Teach me because without you I'll never learn.

I'm a terrible student.

Hold my hand, Mister Love. Support me because without you I'll never be brave.

Kiss me, Mister Sadness. Remind me because without you I'll never know happiness.

Mister You... Don't abandon me. Stay with me because I'm scared of you but I'm more scared without you.

Somewhere along the line the sun started rising from the wrong direction. The porch in front of my house got smaller and it only makes me want to spend more time there but still I don't.

The yard is messier and newer and the weather warmer. It's old and new and borrowed but it's not quite blue anymore and I think I like that most of all.

Not to say I like it there. I guess it doesn't really matter. I'm never there anyway.

"I can't take much more of this. I don't know how to act around you or what to do and it's killing me."

--

This is for YOU.

Because I can't hold all of this in anymore and I know I'm too impatient for my own good and I'm sorry.

It causes me to make quite a lot of mistakes. And in doing that, I've hurt you.

I'm sorry.

I don't think you want to hear anything but I love you and I made a mistake I know but I never meant to hurt you or upset you. I only meant to love you.

I know that what I said was "You need me" but what I meant was "I need you."

I was wrong. Is that what I have to say?

I need you.

I need you to talk to me, because until then I am lost and slowly cracking under my own pressure.

You are breaking me.

Maybe I deserve that. Maybe I am breaking you too.

But we can fix that.

--

I keep saying I'm broken and you keep saying I'm broken and everyone keeps saying it and

Stop
Giving
Me
Hugs

I don't need pity. I need glue.

--

Hello. I'm Endymion. And I'm a nomad. My feet are freezing and its snowing outside but the desire for hot chocolate evades me.

The desire for silence is overpowering.

Are you okay? How are you doing? Has your dad moved out yet? How many classes are you failing today? Why do you come home so late? Why do you look so sad? Do you need anything? Are those pills helping?

I miss you.

You've changed.

Why have you changed?

Everything is wrong I know that but I'm lost.

I say

"I'm fine."

"I feel a little better."

"I don't know."

And they aren't lies but they feel like lies and I still don't know why that is. Maybe because they are all temporary.

Everyone keeps saying I'm broken and I've stopped saying I'm broken and you just realized

I'm broken.

But don't tell anyone. They don't need to know.

Because I'm okay and I'm doing fine and my dad still lives here and I'm only failing one class right now and I come home late because waiting for you is all I want to do now and I forgot how to look happy but I don't need anything and the pills just make me antsy.

I miss you too.

I know.

I don't know.