1. I'm that weird kid who never talks to anyone in class. You know when the teacher says, "Go find a group." And there's always one kid who just keeps their head down and waits until no one's noticed that they don't have a group and works alone? That's me. Most of the time I don't even switch to grade papers with anyone because the thought of talking to someone I'm not close with makes me so uncomfortable.

2. I hate meeting new people simply because I've met too many. Everyone intimidates me.

3. I am intensely awkward.

4. I know exactly who I am, and I hate it.

5. If we were at any point, friends, I will always be able to recall your full name.

6. Don't lie to me. I will never lie to you.

7. When I'm upset, don't try to cheer me up. Hold my hand, play with my hair, hug me. That will do me more good than anything.

8. I told my mother for years that I thought she should divorce my dad. It's happening now, and it still hurts me.

9. My lack of following through on my ambition terrifies me.

10. My family has a history of divorce and failed relationships. This hasn't scared me away from them, and I'm not sure why.

11. I went to church for the first time in months yesterday. I cried. A lot. Around complete strangers, by myself. It was one of the hardest things I've ever done. I told only my mother and one of my friends. Sorry if I screened your call and didn't text you back.

12. I constantly worry that no one will ever fall in love with me because when it comes to flirting or being considered for a girlfriend,  I seem to be very bad at it.

13. I didn't start acting until 9th grade. I didn't take it seriously until 10th.

14. I've always wanted to take singing lessons, piano lessons, and karate lessons. The reason I never did was because my family couldn't afford it.

15. I like my mom's side of the family more than my dads.

16. I hate gatorade. All kinds.

17. I bought red headphones a couple weeks ago because they reminded me of when red was my favorite color. It was my favorite color because a boy named Tanner Fraughton used to wear a red shirt.

18. I miss the tree in my front yard. I used to sit in it and draw.

19. I'm a terrible artist. I've never been able to keep up with all my artist friends.

20. I often stay quiet during classroom debates because even if I'm fairly certain I'm right, I don't want to be wrong.

21. I'm a lot more like my mother than I care to admit. I love her dearly.... but I never want to become her. Her trials are far too much for me to ever bear. That scares me. A lot.

22. I don't often say I love you. Those words are special to me and I find it difficult to make them leave my throat.

Dear ______,
I love you. Please be careful with your heart. Don't let it become the hairy heart from that Beedle the Bard story. Love, but learn to love with pure intentions. I hate what I see you doing to yourself. I want to see you happy.
Forever (kind of) in love with you,
Me

Dear _____,
You're kind of scaring me. I wish you didn't.
Confused,
Me

Dear ____,
I don't understand you. Furthermore I don't understand how I feel about you. Sometimes I want to kiss you but sometimes I want to slap you in the face.
Confused but a little in love with you,
Me

Dear ____,
I regret how little I saw you this summer. I love you. I hope we get to have many adventures this year. Let's make it count.
Love,
Your wife

Dear _____,
If I was into girls I'd marry you.
Love,
Me

Dear _____,
Calm down. Please. Go away and calm down.
Still waiting,
Me

Dear ___,
I hate you more than I've ever hated a person in my life dear lord please die.
Fantasizing about murder,
Me

Dear _____,
I truly have no idea how to react to you. Literally why. I don't know why I'm nice to you. You're cute.... But little. And also clingy. Literally. Please let go of my leg.
Kind of scared of you,
Me

Dear _____,
I like you. When you're normal.
Love,
Me

Somehow, you've forced yourself into my life.
There's so much that's strange about that.
Mostly the fact that you seem to enjoy talking to me more than most of my friends.
Mostly because I'm nearly certain the next year of my life will be some sort of Gym/work/online school-induced hell. And you're turning out to be the one person who won't contribute to that.

Now I'm thinking about this looming school year again.

Shit.

I wish it was over. I wish it could be over so I don't have to worry anymore. So I can work and make money and hopefully be accepted to a college to learn something.

Teach me how to love properly. Teach me how to feel things the way I'm supposed to. Teach me how to smile. Please.

I'm begging for enlightenment. For inspiration, for talent, for worth. I'm begging to graduate. God.

I never thought I'd need that so badly. Begging to graduate. Hoping I'm not so lazy that I end up with a GED and no prospects for my future. Hoping I get to work doing something I love. Hoping my lack of following through on my ambition doesn't fuck me over again.

Dear God,
Help me. I think this time around... I really need you. Forgive me.
Still confused,
Me.